what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
