I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
