I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My hand turned me down
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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