please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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