how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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