Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
