Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
