I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
