I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
