morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
