She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
