how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
