I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
