I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
