I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All the doctor said was why
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
