rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
