Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
