you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
