i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
