Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
