I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
