Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
