I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
