He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
