Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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