I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
