It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
