I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
