EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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