I've blown a few things in my day
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
