I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
