I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
