problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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