where does the pee come out of this thing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
