I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
