I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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