Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I yelled at your uterus for you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
