it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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