PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
