Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
