I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize