so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
