I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
