is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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