i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
