My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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