he shaved USA in his pubs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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