): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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