I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
