there's paper in my vomit.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just cropdusted the office
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
