Apparently you make a good broom.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
