summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
