Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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