I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize