Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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