Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
