Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am one with the molecules
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
