A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize