I hope mine doesn't look like that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My bed smells like the plague
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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