My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
