Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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