im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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