Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
