the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
