my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
