dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Semen is not good for contacts.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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