What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
4 words: hood of his car
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
