I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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