i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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