Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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